


Hot & Cold

by blimeysones



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8343175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blimeysones/pseuds/blimeysones
Summary: Taako has an unexpected visitor & is rude.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (Picks up right at the end of episode 49's epilogue)

The high elf shrugs off his cloak of the manta ray and hangs it on the coat rack in the common area of his shared dorm at the Bureau of Balance. “Someday you’ll be useful, old friend” he coos at it, then freezes. The room is dark but the space is familiar and he needs no light to see the figure sitting patiently on the couch across the room, legs crossed in front of him. Just as Taako notices him, he speaks:  
"We need to talk, don’t we? Cuz you boys...You've added quite a bit to your death count, haven't you?" Taako's eyes flutter wide for only a moment of surprise before relaxing, half-lidded and cool.  
"That one's on me," he replies quietly.

Kravitz' hands are folded in his lap, back straight against the couch, stiff and formal, head held to look straight at Taako with eerie eyes that seem to glow with a cold light. His dark suit is as clean pressed and exquisite as Taako remembers, fine slim slacks and a perfectly tailored vest buttoned tightly over the man's graceful human form, his thick black cloak still draped over his wide shoulders. He waits, silent. Taako removes his hands from the coat rack and cooly strides to the couch, which Kravitz has taken up one side of, leaving the other half empty. But Taako doesn’t sit there, he sits on the low coffee table directly in front of Kravitz, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. The wizard flashes a shit-eating grin and the bounty hunter knows already he intends to be difficult.

Kravitz leans slightly back into the couch away from Taako and clears his throat uncomfortably. "We have to discuss this. My employer is concerned with the, frankly, ridiculous amount of times you three have--"  
"Coffee?" Taako interrupts, one hand gently placed on Kravitz' knee as he asks.  
"What?"  
"Coffee. Or tea, maybe? I make some baller Chamomile." The elf stands as he talks, decidedly unconcerned with the gravity of the situation the agent of death sitting before him is trying to lay out. He's already crossed to the doorway to the kitchen when he flicks his glance back over his shoulder,  
"Or some wiiine?" He adds in a singsong voice, popping his eyebrows.  
Kravitz sighs. "Yeah, okay, a coffee would be great," He decides without much thought, "But I'm here for--"  
Taako is gone, ducked around the corner into the kitchen. Kravitz stretches and cranes his neck to see him but it’s no use. He hunches forward slightly, thumb and forefinger of one hand massaging the bridge of his nose between his eyes. He pauses to run a palm over his knee where Taako had casually touched him. His hand had been so pleasantly warm. The elf is only gone a few moments however, and Kravitz quickly rights himself as the wizard strolls back into the open room carrying two very full wine glasses.  
"Charmed the fuck outta that bottle so those moochers can't so much as pop the cork without losing all their hair, and I do mean ALL of it." Taako sits on the vacant side of the couch and plops his feet up on the coffee table angled towards Kravitz, then offers him one of the glasses.  
"It’s not GREAT wine..." Taako trails off, as if he intended to add a redeeming quality but couldn't come up with one.

Kravitz glares icily at Taako, who stares back happily, not retracting the outstretched glass or breaking eye contact as he takes a slow sip of his own. The bounty hunter stiffly takes it.  
"Now, as I was saying, yourself and your two partners--"  
"Oh, neither one is my partner. Bleh. Gross," Taako interrupts. "I'm single," He adds with a tiny wink.  
"That’s not--" Kravitz starts in a frustrated tone but cuts himself off, flustered. He pauses to compose himself. "That is... not what I meant."  
"Your two..." He searches for a moment, "Work affiliates. The two guys you go on missions and stuff with. Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides."  
"Tres horny boys." Taako volunteers softly, lips hovering over his wine for another sip.  
"Tres... horny boys," Kravitz repeats, then adds angrily, "You fucking know! You know who I mean!" He finally takes his first drink of wine, a big gulp.  
"You gotta chill, my man," Taako says in a soothing voice. He sets his half empty wine glass down on the table. "You look real uncomfortable. Can I take your cloak?"  
"You can't have my cloak."  
"Not to HAVE, goof troop, I'm gonna hang it up for you. Listen, I'm totally willing to discuss whatever death stuff you want, but you're stressing me out right now cuz you're all like--" Taako’s body stiffens and his arms snap straight, and he teeters rigidly back and forth for a moment, making a strangled noise in his throat. He breaks out of the pantomime and smiles, extending a hand, fingers jerking up towards his open palm impatiently. “C’mon!”  
Kravitz almost smiles and stands, shrugging out of his cloak and handing it to Taako, who strides over to the front door with it.  
"And drink some goddamn wine!" Taako insists loudly without turning back as he crosses the room to hang up Kravitz' cloak. As he returns to the couch, Kravitz has resumed his sitting position, back straight, eyes locked unblinkingly on Taako, one leg folded over the knee of the other, one hand resting flat on his leg and the other holding his still very full wine glass.

Taako plops onto the couch next to Kravitz, jostling him with the careless movement, probably on purpose. Kravitz struggles to keep his wine from spilling as Taako puts his back against the armrest and swings his legs up, crossing in the air, to land across Kravitz' lap. Kravitz' hand that was on his thigh flies up out of the way, flat palmed, and his eyes bulge at Taako. Taako chuckles and immediately slides his legs off, sitting up and folding them underneath him on the couch.  
"Most people are intimidated by me." Kravitz says indignantly. "I genuinely don’t know how to handle you."  
"Handle me?! A little forward eh?" Taako says in a mock-scandalized voice, his eyes fluttering dramatically.  
"NO! No!" Kravitz' face goes red from embarrassment and he turns to stare vacantly down at the table. He takes another swig of wine.

Taako grins widely, very amused at the game he's playing, but after a moment his face falls. Kravitz... DOES look uncomfortable. Embarrassed, his whole body stiff, awkwardly avoiding eye contact.  
"Aw, jeez," Taako starts, leaning away and running a hand up the side of his own face.  
"I'm sorry Krav, I'm, I'm just goofin around, I was trying to get you to lighten up a little. I don't do serious conversations very well and I didn’t expect to see you here and you probably want to kill me and my friends and I've had a very long day and--" He takes a deep breath and exhales, "I'm sorry."  
Kravitz' eyes are closed. He chuckles and opens them, a hesitant smile crinkling the corners of his mouth.  
"You're very rude! You just do whatever you please! You aren’t taking this remotely seriously!" He accuses, turning to look at Taako. He pauses and his tone softens. " You're a... very interesting person. It’s, honestly, sort of refreshing. My job is… well, everyone I talk to is very serious and it can be a drag. I just, I’m not used to, I’m not sure how to… deal with you."  
Taako bounces back to his usual goading self instantly. "Well you're like talking to a corpse, my friend, so what can I do to help you chill the fuck out?"  
Kravitz takes a measured drink of his wine. "I am chill now. You took my cloak, I’m drinking the wine. I'm chill," he replies in the least convincing possible tone of voice.  
Taako glares skeptically at him then nods at his glass, "Finish that off."  
Kravitz does in a couple swigs, and sets the empty glass down gently on the coffee table, returning his now empty hand to the reserved, folded position in his lap. Taako's hand curls in front of his mouth, forefinger pressed thoughtfully against his lips, squinting as he looks critically over Kravitz' posture. The elf reaches out and pushes Kravitz' crooked leg off the other ones' knee, and with two hands grabs both legs softly just above the knee and wiggles them out into a more relaxed position. He places a palm flat on the bounty hunter's chest and pushes him gently backwards the few inches into the couch cushion. Next, he slips a hand behind the small of Kravitz' back and works it up between his body and the couch, trying to convince his spine to curve. He lightly shakes Kravitz' shoulders, each in turn, to get them to fall out of their rigid pose. Is this even working? He grabs Kravitz' hands next, folded in his lap.  
"Yikesarooni!" Taako yowls under his breath at the man’s cold skin."You're freezing!" He turns to look in shock at Kravitz, realizing only now in his efforts to reposition the man, he had leaned further and further over him, and now their faces were just inches apart. Nervous shock on Kravitz’ face fades and softens as his eyes flicker carefully over the elf's face. They both freeze, Taako's hands still clasped around Kravitz'. Taako doesn’t back away, and bites his lower lip.  
"I... know I said to chill out," Taako begins slowly in a very quiet voice, "but this is ridiculous." He squeezes just barely on both Kravitz’ hands, “‘Cuz, you’re so cold,” he explains awkwardly.

Kravitz leans in and kisses him. 

Taako lets out a small noise of shock, then eagerly presses back. He drops Kravitz' hands to run his own up Kravitz' chest to either side of the reaper's neck, which is also cold.  
Taako breaks from the kiss, his brows knotted. "You're so fucking cold! Is this a goddamn Twilight movie?!"  
"Fantasy-Twilight movie. Maybe Twilight fantasy-movie? Not entirely sure on that one." Kravitz corrects quickly under his breath, then continues softly, "Sorry I'm so cold. You are VERY warm, and it feels incredible." Flattery, the best way to convince Taako of doing anything. The elf leans back in to hover his face near Kravitz' ear, and lets his hot breath linger on his skin before pressing in a few kisses on his jaw. Kravitz murmurs his enjoyment and slides his hands up the sides of the elf's lower back, and Taako’s body is racked with a shiver.  
"God damnit!" Taako yowls as he pulls away, hands still resting on either side of Kravitz’ collar. "I mean, like, you're great! You’re the most handsome dude I’ve ever seen! But you're cold as hell! ALL of you! How’s that a thing?” He pauses for a moment. “Oh my god, your DICK? There’s no way your dick isn’t cold too! Fuck!"  
Kravitz is incredibly, soul-rendingly embarrassed. “Can you NOT--” he starts then restarts in a lower tone. “Can you not yell about my dick, please. This was stupid, I’m sorry, I should just go. This isn’t even why I’m HERE. I’ll, just come back another time, and speak to one of the others to get this sorted out.”  
He stands, pushing Taako away, and strides swiftly towards the door without looking back. Taako remains on the couch for just a moment, leaned over the space where Kravitz was, looking crushed.  
“Wait!” The elf launches himself from the couch and bounds to the door, where Kravitz has stopped, head down, one hand on his cloak on the rack, looking away. Taako slows as he nears him. He puts a hesitant hand on the reaper’s shoulder, then decides against it and pulls it back.  
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m very rude. I said that and I didn’t think about it. And, I’m cool with it, okay. Pun absolutely intended. Cool.” He smiles nervously at the back to Kravitz’ head. No response.  
“But, you... can leave if you would rather.” Taako adds in a more sincere tone, “I would understand. But I… would like it if you stayed.”  
The bounty hunter’s head pulls down and away further as he takes a deep breath, before he hesitantly turns to look back at the elf.  
“You’re SO fucking rude.” Kravitz stresses icily.  
“Yeah,” Taako admits.  
Kravitz sighs. He extends a hand. “Careful, it’s cold.” he says in a very flat voice, before a sharp smile barely twists up one corner of his mouth. Taako gingerly takes his hand and the two men carefully close the space between them.  
“I don’t mind. Really. It’s, uhh, nice? Like a, an ice cold lemonade on a hot summer’s day.” Taako insists, his hands moving to gently grip Kravitz’ waist.

“Oh?” Kravitz replies, his dry smile creeping wider.  
Very quickly, he puts one palm around the back of Taako’s neck, and plunges the other up the back of Taako’s shirt, dragging his cold skin up Taako’s back. The bounty hunter pulls him closer and presses his lips roughly against Taako’s neck.  
Taako crumples and flails, shrieking, “You fucker! YOU FUCKER!” as Kravitz chuckles wickedly into Taako’s hair.


End file.
